How often do you get time for yourself?

You've been counting down to your next day off because you plan on a day of total indulgence, which includes locking the door and having a book/bath/wine/malteser combo, followed by binge watching something (anything) on Netflix.

​Possibly squeezing in a nap too because, well, just because you can. 

You're desperate to take a day out as you've been crazy busy and feel stressed, and you know you're starting to get burnt out and frazzled.  

But your friend rings.  

Her boyfriend recently dumped her and shes feeling down, and ' fancy a shopping trip as a treat - to cheer me up?'

​<Sigh>

What do you do?​

The thing about being a people pleaser is - we GIVE help, we don’t ask for it.

Worries about being a burden, being needy, being a nuisance, causing inconvenience stop us dead in our tracks, so our lives consist of on struggling alone, sometimes to the point of making ourselves ill.

But it doesn't have to be like that, you don't have to struggle on alone.  There ​are many people that would only be too happy to help if they knew you needed it, so give them the chance. 

Not sure how?  Well, here's the perfect recipe for asking for help...

Are you scared of being rejected? 

Being rejected is a bummer.  I mean, it's a slap on the face, a kick in the teeth and leaves you feeling lost, abandoned and deserted.  

​How do I know?

How do you react when someone cries?

Imagine this: while visiting a friend and while chatting about this and that they tell you about something that’s upset them, and you see the tears welling up in their eyes.

What do you do when someone cries?

I’ll tell you...

Stop over apologising!

If someone bumps into you and you hear yourself say sorry, then this post is for you!  

Apologising means we are acknowledging our faults or shortcomings, or admitting blame. If we are at fault then apologising is definitely the thing to do.

But over apologising is saying sorry when you haven't done anything wrong.  

Why are you ready to accept blame or responsibility so readily? And what are the consequences?  I'll tell you...

when did saying no politely stop being enough?

Yesterday, I was almost force fed cake.  

Okay, there may be worse ways to go.  But if you've ever been visiting someone and having coffee, and they offer you cake, you'll know how difficult saying no to people can be.  ​

I'm not a big fan of cake and I just didn't want any but it seems refusing cake is simply not an option

I was brought up to be polite, and I bet you were too.  Saying please and thank you, excuse me and may I.  Be respectful, don't offend, don't be cheeky.  

So when I am offered cake at a friends house and I don't want it, I very politely decline:

'Would you like some cake, Jane?'

'No, thank you' I say.  Text book manners.  My mum would be so proud.

But then this happened!

You don't like it.  

They are standing right there in front of you as you open your gift and you don't like it.  ​Your heart sinks.

What do you do?​

Are you being used?

We all have them - high maintenance friends.  Drama queens always in the throws of some kind of trauma that draw you in so you become involved, giving them help and support.

You will always help people out if you can, that's the sort of person you are.  

But they will always let you.  They don't feel bad if you go the extra mile for them, change plans for them, take, fetch and carry for them.  They take advantage of your kind nature.

But have you noticed how exhausted, drained and stressed you feel after being in their company?

Why is that, and what can you do to protect yourself?​

​Picture this: you're having lunch with friends and someone brings up the hot topic of coffee preparation. Hold on to your hat grandma, things are going to get WILD!

She says the perfect way to make coffee is add coffee to the cup, then add water and milk last.  You know that's blatantly wrong, that the milk should and absolutely must go in FIRST.  It's the only way. It's both clear and obvious.  

I mean, durrr!

But you hesitate.  You want to give your opinion - and maybe you can educate some people into the delights of Milk In First (MIF), but what if people take umbrage and there's a conflict? 

Does your opinion go unheard, a fear of conflict or lack of confidence holding you back?

Don't worry, most people instinctively avoid conflict but ​armed with a few of these phrases in your toolbox, you'll soon be comfortable expressing your opinion.

​Did you watch House, the TV series about the grouchy, sarcastic, Vicodin gorging genius doctor?  If you didn't, I'd highly recommend it.

I like people, and I like talking.  So why does thought of small talk make me break out in a cold sweat and want to hide in the cupboard?

Well, it's the inane chitter chatter, the pleasantries, the polite prattle that I hate.  It's the conversational equivalent of twitter - no chance to get stuck into a conversation about anything important or interesting. 

That, and the fact I am RUBBISH at small talk!  My mind goes blank, I say something wildly inappropriate, I stutter and laugh loudly, snorting for good measure,  Then, I quietly die inside as I wait for the floor to swallow me up, which it NEVER does, just proving that floors are evil.  

If you can relate to any of that nonsense, keep reading:

Is your mum the font of all wisdom, with a wise word for all occasions? 

Mine wasn't.  She wasn't the 'wise woman of the village' kind.  

However, there was one really useful thing she shared with me, and it pops into my head like a red flag every time it happens, so I want to share it with you.

Saying no effectively is a skill, and there are lots of ways to say no, and the good news is - learning how to say no is a skill that can be learned. 

You probably already know that you should say no, but somehow ​you've still not managed to master the skill of how to say no in a way that's comfortable for you. 

There are some great articles about saying no around the interwebz, but some seem to be a bit gung ho and don't take into account how difficult it can be for us people pleasers of the world to 'just say no'.

So here are 7 of the best blogs around that share ways to say no.  

Enjoy! 

Wrapped in white paper with a silver, hand tied ribbon on it, it looked just beautiful.

Flossie smiled and felt a twinge of delight when she anticipated giving the beautifully wrapped gift to her friend, hoping she'd like it​.  

She know her friend had worked hard at a project, and this gift would let her know her hard work was appreciated. 

​She smiled at her friend and said 'this is for you'

There's an art to saying no.  A right way, and a wrong way.  

When you get it right, it makes life so much easier: less stress, more free time, no conflict, no anxiety. 

But get it wrong....​