Did you ever wonder what a counsellor learns from their clients?

Well I'll tell you! 

I'd like to share a post I wrote 2 years ago!  It's a look at what I've learned in 10 years of counselling/psychotherapy practice - but I've updated it, as it's now 12 years!  I hope you find it useful

How often do you get time for yourself?

You've been counting down to your next day off because you plan on a day of total indulgence, which includes locking the door and having a book/bath/wine/malteser combo, followed by binge watching something (anything) on Netflix.

​Possibly squeezing in a nap too because, well, just because you can. 

You're desperate to take a day out as you've been crazy busy and feel stressed, and you know you're starting to get burnt out and frazzled.  

But your friend rings.  

Her boyfriend recently dumped her and shes feeling down, and ' fancy a shopping trip as a treat - to cheer me up?'

​<Sigh>

What do you do?​

7 Ways to overcome loneliness

We all have periods of loneliness, it's normal and a part of the human condition. 

But what if you​ feel lonely all the time?  

Maybe friendships have faded away and left you without a circle of friends, or you have friends but they don't understand you and you feel on the outside, disconnected. 

So what is loneliness, why is it important to overcome it and why is it common with people pleasers?​

Lets find out, and discover 7 ways to overcome loneliness and make meaningful connections.

Do you do things because you 'should'?

There was a series on TV recently called ‘Humans’. It was great. 

This is what it was about:

‘In a parallel present where the latest must-have gadget for any busy family is a 'Synth' - a highly-developed robotic servant that's so similar to a real human it's transforming the way we live.’

​From the start we learn that some of these robots or synths are different, and have a consciousness.

​One of these conscious synths is talking to a real person, and she talks about something she did and how she should regret it.

The person says ‘Forget should - it’s just do I regret or not’.

I'm stealing that line, it's pure genius!

Why? 

In Understanding Anger part 1 we looked at what emotions are for, the anger spectrum and what causes anger.

Today, we're going to look at how to use your anger to make positive changes. 

Understanding anger

Have you noticed how anger's seen as the 'bad' emotion? The black sheep of the emotions family, shunned and only talked about in whispers. 

I'm a massive fan of Pinterest (you are too?  Great, let's connect!) and when I did a search for 'anger', I got a squillion memes and quotes talking about how bad anger is, how to stop being so angry, how pointless it is etc.

We deny experiencing it, we're frightened of it, we fear it, we consider it dangerous and we think it's a waste of time and achieves nothing.

Me? I find anger fascinating. Let me explain...

Self care ideas for when you're short on time

If I had a pound for every time I heard 'I don't have time for self care, I'm too busy' I would be - well, maybe not a millionaire, but taking a whole lot more holidays! 

It's one of trio of reasons people give, along with 'I feel selfish/guilty' and 'I don't deserve it'.  All 3 are complete nonsense, of course.  

So here's a list of self care ideas for you to try that take 5 minutes or ​less. Enjoy!

The thing about being a people pleaser is - we GIVE help, we don’t ask for it.

Worries about being a burden, being needy, being a nuisance, causing inconvenience stop us dead in our tracks, so our lives consist of on struggling alone, sometimes to the point of making ourselves ill.

But it doesn't have to be like that, you don't have to struggle on alone.  There ​are many people that would only be too happy to help if they knew you needed it, so give them the chance. 

Not sure how?  Well, here's the perfect recipe for asking for help...

Yoga With Adriene - a review

Working from home has many amazing benefits:

​But there's one downside I am constantly battling: I don't move much!  I sit at my desk, or with a client, or on the sofa.  My commute is from one room to another, and my poor aching bones have started to complain.

But I've found the perfect solution...​

Do you have a morning routine?

How many times do you press the snooze button before you get up in the morning, putting off the inevitable getting out of bed and starting the day to the last minute possible?

Having just a little too much ​time in bed before emerging and then having to rush.  

Ignoring your grumbling tummy, contemplating if you can get away without showering, your hair sulking and hoping no one notices that you didn't iron your clothes. 

Mornings - love 'em or hate 'em, every day has one, so if you're not a morning person, starting every day feeling tired, grouchy, grumpy, stressed and rushed will have a significant impact on your day.  

So if you are more of an owl than a lark, keep reading because I'm going to share 13 ways to make your mornings a delight.

'Have you seen the news today, mum?' said my son.

My heart sank - what now?  What new horror has happened in the world?

Today, I watch the news in disbelief, my head swimming as I hear about a truck being deliberately driven into innocent people in Nice, just the latest of a series of horrendous acts of terror, civil unrest and war.

How can I possibly cope with more horror? 

Are you scared of being rejected? 

Being rejected is a bummer.  I mean, it's a slap on the face, a kick in the teeth and leaves you feeling lost, abandoned and deserted.  

​How do I know?

How do you react when someone cries?

Imagine this: while visiting a friend and while chatting about this and that they tell you about something that’s upset them, and you see the tears welling up in their eyes.

What do you do when someone cries?

I’ll tell you...

Stop over apologising!

If someone bumps into you and you hear yourself say sorry, then this post is for you!  

Apologising means we are acknowledging our faults or shortcomings, or admitting blame. If we are at fault then apologising is definitely the thing to do.

But over apologising is saying sorry when you haven't done anything wrong.  

Why are you ready to accept blame or responsibility so readily? And what are the consequences?  I'll tell you...

when did saying no politely stop being enough?

Yesterday, I was almost force fed cake.  

Okay, there may be worse ways to go.  But if you've ever been visiting someone and having coffee, and they offer you cake, you'll know how difficult saying no to people can be.  ​

I'm not a big fan of cake and I just didn't want any but it seems refusing cake is simply not an option

I was brought up to be polite, and I bet you were too.  Saying please and thank you, excuse me and may I.  Be respectful, don't offend, don't be cheeky.  

So when I am offered cake at a friends house and I don't want it, I very politely decline:

'Would you like some cake, Jane?'

'No, thank you' I say.  Text book manners.  My mum would be so proud.

But then this happened!

What are boundaries?

This is a quote from a TV programme: 

'The truth is like a toothbrush - you only share it with people you trust'.

And I thought 'Eew!! I'd NEVER share a toothbrush! EVEEERRRRR!!!!!!'

But some people do, and they don't mind doing it!

Which is fine, we're all different​, and we all have different boundaries.  The trick is KNOWING those boundaries and enforcing them, so when someone visits me and has forgotten their toothbrush, they will get a firm 'EEW NO - GROSS!!!!!' when they ask to borrow mine!

​Knowing how I feel about sharing my toothbrush is clear, but how do I work out other boundaries in life?

Does the weekend pass you by?

Do you know what 'hump day' is?  Well, it's Wednesday, but affectionately referred to as hump day because it signifies the weekend is in sight. 

Imagine the week as a hill:

Monday and Tuesday are a hard, uphill slog - recovering from the weekend, getting out of bed early and going back to a life of work and responsibility, duty and obligation, restraint and professionalism and being a grown up, all heavy lifting and seriousness​. 

But Wednesday is when you reach the peak of the hill and can look around and the weekend's in sight!  Now, it's all downhill to the weekend, and easy stroll and the promise of a rest. ​