Did you ever wonder what a counsellor learns from their clients?

Well I'll tell you! 

I'd like to share a post I wrote 2 years ago!  It's a look at what I've learned in 10 years of counselling/psychotherapy practice - but I've updated it, as it's now 12 years!  I hope you find it useful

Do you do things because you 'should'?

There was a series on TV recently called ‘Humans’. It was great. 

This is what it was about:

‘In a parallel present where the latest must-have gadget for any busy family is a 'Synth' - a highly-developed robotic servant that's so similar to a real human it's transforming the way we live.’

​From the start we learn that some of these robots or synths are different, and have a consciousness.

​One of these conscious synths is talking to a real person, and she talks about something she did and how she should regret it.

The person says ‘Forget should - it’s just do I regret or not’.

I'm stealing that line, it's pure genius!

Why? 

What are boundaries?

This is a quote from a TV programme: 

'The truth is like a toothbrush - you only share it with people you trust'.

And I thought 'Eew!! I'd NEVER share a toothbrush! EVEEERRRRR!!!!!!'

But some people do, and they don't mind doing it!

Which is fine, we're all different​, and we all have different boundaries.  The trick is KNOWING those boundaries and enforcing them, so when someone visits me and has forgotten their toothbrush, they will get a firm 'EEW NO - GROSS!!!!!' when they ask to borrow mine!

​Knowing how I feel about sharing my toothbrush is clear, but how do I work out other boundaries in life?

Quotes to inspire self care

We see lot's of inspirational quotes on social media.  Sometimes, they are of thought provoking messages, like: 

​Which is true - if you put yourself last, others are likely to put you last too. 

Should people respect you and hold you in high esteem anyway?  Yes.  Do they?  Nah, so you need to show them how it's done, and that you won't accept anything less

​But some that don't seem to have been thought through properly, and can have the opposite effect and make people feel worse.

Why?​

how do you know if you're giving too much?

There's a new guy at school.  He's lonely and desperate for friends but a bit shy and awkward, but his parents are wealthy - let's call him Richy Rich.  He uses his money to buy friends, giving sweets, gifts, paying for things, buy buy buy, and giving too much.

The result?  Richy has more people around him.

But are they friends?  What if the money dries up, will they return the favor and ​share what they have?

what would your music library it tell me about you?

Well, it would give me clues about your age, your past, what your parents may have liked, whether you are a happy person, a deep person, an angry person or a fun person.  

And when meeting someone new, discovering you like the same music is a great way to connect.

There's something about music, isn't there, that speaks to the soul.  It reflects our mood, and it affects our mood with almost mystical properties. 

How can you use this to your advantage?

Gratitude journals are very popular at the moment, with just cause

Many of us are more blessed that our grandparents could have ever imagined, but get wrapped up in insignificant trivia that frankly doesn't matter.  It's good to be reminded of lifes simple pleasures and of what's really important.  

However there's a dark side to gratitude that is often missed, and can cause you damage. 

Let me explain...

168  

That's how many hours there are in a week, and chances are you feel there aren't enough.  So much to do, busy busy busy, work and commitments and 101 other tasks swallow​ them up. 

Busy.  But bored.  ​

How many of those 168 hours are for you?  To have fun, enjoy yourself, relax and recharge, care for yourself and socialise?  ​

It's time to start saying yes!​

Here are 10 things to say yes to now to improve your life 

What pops into your mind when I say 'lunch'?

Do you think of long, leisurely and possibly boozy​ times with friends?

Or do you think of brushing crumbs off your computer screen as you eat a sad sandwich at your desk.  Again.  

If your lunch is more like the second version, then take a read, because if you don't take a proper lunch it's having a negative impact on your health, productivity, and creativity. 

Do you trust your intuition, your gut instinct, that little voice that tells you there's something wrong?

Picture this: Match.com has finally paid off, and in among all the unsuitables you found him.

He's all you wanted from a man:  he makes you laugh, he makes you feel cared for, he makes you feel safe, he makes you feel ALL woman.  

But...well, there's one thing that just doesn't feel right...​

I know you're busy, so I'll keep this short.  You're probably too busy to read it properly anyway, so you'll skim it, get the juicy nuggets of information and discard the rest.  

It's okay, I understand.  I do that myself, as I too am a Very Busy Person or VBP.  After all, I'm far too busy to be typing Very Busy Person out over and over, that's 14 characters, and 'ain't nobody got time for that'!  ​

Busy, busy, busy.  With a daily to do list a mile long.

It's stressful being a VBP because I don't get any downtime, and the time I do get I like to sleep because I am also a VTP (Very Tired Person).

Fun?  Oh, I remember fun.  It was...fun!  But I am too busy for that now... ​

Do you love your individuality?

I have a love/hate relationship with spell check and auto correct. 

On word documents (and when writing blog posts) I think it's a great invention. It quickly highlights typos and helps to stop me looking daft.  

That first sentence I wrote, for example was auto corrected so show me that auto correct is not one word.  

That last sentence I wrote?  It reminded me that sentence is spelled sentEnce not sentAnce.  

And that it's 'spelled' not 'spelt'

 See?  Invaluable. 

When text messaging on my phone it's a whole other story.  

Is it possible to feel special every day?  Yes!

I love the aroma of fresh coffee beans.  

I mean really love it. 

So when Susie Carlisle from The Lincoln Tea and Coffee Company gave a presentation about her business at a networking event and passed around a selection of her products, I was in hogs heaven.

As I happily immersed myself into its deep, rich aroma, I listened to Susie talking about the relationship she and her family has with coffee (and tea) and the almost ceremonial importance placed on making a pot.  

I always smile at the Britishness of a cuppa, and how it's mystical properties are the cure to any and all of lifes mishaps.   

She went on to say how we would be HORRIFIED if we went to a cafe and were served instant coffee, yet the majority of us do that at home.  That's so true!

It made me wonder...

Imagine if you will a little girl - let's call her Flossie - skipping to school one sunny morning without a care in the world. 

As she skips past a bus stop, she notices something shiny on the ground. ​

Screeching to a halt a grim of delight lights up her face - a £2 coin lays on the floor and there is no one around to claim it​!

Now Flossie is an honest little girl, but with no one around to return the money to or hand it in to, she quickly picks it up and runs as fast as her little legs will carry her to the sweet shop.

​She spends all the money on sweets - sweets which are usually rationed to her.  She leaves the shop with the biggest bag of sweets she had ever seen in her life!

Such a happy day, until...​

Read more...

Do you remember how we were promised 4 day working weeks and oodles more leisure time? Working from home, on the patio in the sunshine.  Being able to fit work in around lunch with the girls and trips to the gym?

Well, seems they were lying.