Is your mum the font of all wisdom, with a wise word for all occasions?
Mine wasn't. She wasn't the 'wise woman of the village' kind.
However, there was one really useful thing she shared with me, and it pops into my head like a red flag every time it happens, so I want to share it with you.
Imagine this: You're enjoying a rather delicious date with a guy that's making you act like a teenager with Bieber Fever.
He's very charming, flattering you at every opportunity, making you feel special, and his flirting is making you blush and feel a little...warm.
You are starting to feel very relieved that you shaved your legs.
You compare funny dating stories, and laugh as you tell him about the guy who was texting both you and your friend at the same time, unaware that you knew each other. What a douche bag!
He looks serious for a moment and puts his hand on yours, saying:
'I'm not like that, you can trust me'.
And BAM! There's my mums voice:
Bugger. Now you're going to have to take a step back and check out this guy. Maybe shaving your legs was a waste of time after all.
Liars want to be believed, and they know that we want to believe the best in people.
But the thing is... trustworthy people don't feel they have to tell you they can be trusted. It's a part of their DNA, a given.
They may empathize with your story, laugh and agree that he was a douche bag, but he wouldn't feel the need to tell you he wouldn't do that.
Just like you wouldn't walk into a shop and tell the assistant 'It's OK, I'm not going to steal anything today!'.
Trust is something that's earned, it takes time and it's a case of actions speak louder than words. If someone tries to persuade you it's OK to trust them, alarm bells should go off.
This also works with people who say they never lie, or never cheat.
'Methinks thou dost protest too much'
'But Jane' I hear you cry, 'Maybe he's just trying to impress, after all, he IS on a date!''.
Good point, well made. Yes, it's true that he is trying to impress, and reassure you that he is a good person. BUT it's still better to work it out for yourself than take the word of someone at face value.
So when/if this happens, just take a step back. Let them demonstrate their trustworthiness, their honesty and their fidelity.
Listen to your intuition, it won't let you down.
Because there is another great saying - if it seems too good to be true, it often is!
Hi, I'm Jane, and if you're the one that cares for and supports others, that gives and never takes and are exhausted because you put your own needs last, then you're in the right place. It's great to have you here - I hope you stick around!