Finding time for yourself - Jane Travis

How often do you get time for yourself?

You've been counting down to your next day off because you plan on a day of total indulgence, which includes locking the door and having a book/bath/wine/malteser combo, followed by binge watching something (anything) on Netflix.

​Possibly squeezing in a nap too because, well, just because you can. 

You're desperate to take a day out as you've been crazy busy and feel stressed, and you know you're starting to get burnt out and frazzled.  

But your friend rings.  

Her boyfriend recently dumped her and shes feeling down, and ' fancy a shopping trip as a treat - to cheer me up?'

​<Sigh>

What do you do?​

More...

can you be too nice?

Totally!  It's what every people pleaser struggles with - the pull to 'be nice', the drive to please, the need to be needed is so strong it completely overrides your own need for time for yourself, leaving you drained, exhausted and overwhelmed. 

So to say you don't want to go shopping because you'd rather be alone and recharge your batteries will be practically impossible for a people pleaser.

Let's face it, it's hard enough if you have a valid reason (or excuse) isn't it?

S​o you say yes, you go shopping and you try to smile, but really you feel resentful and bad tempered.  

Really, you just want to be on your coach in your pyjamas, eating a family size pack of something that's not healthy and zoning out. ​

Saying no is a basic human right.  

Obviously, when at work we often do things we'd prefer not to do, that's a given, but in your private life you can make choices.

But you know that already, right?

​In theory you know that it's your right to say no, and how important it is to have boundaries

In practice, it's so much harder. ​

​How can you possibly say no?

You know and understand that your friend has been stressed out and needs cheering up, and you'd really like to help them as you hate seeing people sad.  

And if you don't go just so you can relax and have time for yourself, doesn't that mean you're selfish?

How can you choose what to do? ​

Well, let's take a look:

Firstly, what does selfish mean?

Being selfish means doing what you want at the detriment of others.  It means having no thought for other peoples well being, as long as you get what you want.

Is that an accurate description of you?

No, I didn't think so.  

You are the opposite of selfish - selfless.  Concerned more with other peoples needs than your own.  That's why you feel so burnt out.  That's why you NEED your day off, because you need a little self care.

​Consider this:

  • Is their need greater than yours?  No
  • Will something bad happen if they don't get their shopping trip?  No
  • Do you want to go?  No
  • Would a shopping trip do you good right now?  Absolutely not, it would make you more frazzled. 

Then politely decline. 

​'That sounds fantastic!  Sadly I can't make it, but have fun!'

Because remember - ​if they try to change your mind after a clear and polite refusal, they are only thinking of their own needs and disregarding yours, and what did we decide that was?  

Selfish?  

Oh yes, that was it! 

If you struggle to say no, check out my course below.

Take Control: Say No!

Take Control: Say No!

​Stop agreeing to do things you don't want to - enough is enough!

It's time to drop the guilt and take control.

About the Author Jane Travis

Hi, I’m Jane, and if you’re the one that cares for and supports others, that gives and never takes and are exhausted because you put your own needs last, then you’re in the right place.

It’s great to have you here – I hope you stick around!

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