Did you ever wonder what a counsellor learns from their clients?

Well I'll tell you! 

I'd like to share a post I wrote 2 years ago!  It's a look at what I've learned in 10 years of counselling/psychotherapy practice - but I've updated it, as it's now 12 years!  I hope you find it useful

It's started - Valentines day presents advertised all over the media, cards filling up the supermarket shelves and teddy bears holding big red love hearts declaring 'you're special' or 'you're lovely' or 'you're sexy' at the tills.  

I look at them and am reminded how I might have liked a teddy when I was 14. Since then, not so much.   

​Okay, I'll admit it - my name is Jane, and I hate Valentines day.  

Here's why. 

Do you do things because you 'should'?

There was a series on TV recently called ‘Humans’. It was great. 

This is what it was about:

‘In a parallel present where the latest must-have gadget for any busy family is a 'Synth' - a highly-developed robotic servant that's so similar to a real human it's transforming the way we live.’

​From the start we learn that some of these robots or synths are different, and have a consciousness.

​One of these conscious synths is talking to a real person, and she talks about something she did and how she should regret it.

The person says ‘Forget should - it’s just do I regret or not’.

I'm stealing that line, it's pure genius!

Why? 

What are boundaries?

This is a quote from a TV programme: 

'The truth is like a toothbrush - you only share it with people you trust'.

And I thought 'Eew!! I'd NEVER share a toothbrush! EVEEERRRRR!!!!!!'

But some people do, and they don't mind doing it!

Which is fine, we're all different​, and we all have different boundaries.  The trick is KNOWING those boundaries and enforcing them, so when someone visits me and has forgotten their toothbrush, they will get a firm 'EEW NO - GROSS!!!!!' when they ask to borrow mine!

​Knowing how I feel about sharing my toothbrush is clear, but how do I work out other boundaries in life?

Quotes to inspire self care

We see lot's of inspirational quotes on social media.  Sometimes, they are of thought provoking messages, like: 

​Which is true - if you put yourself last, others are likely to put you last too. 

Should people respect you and hold you in high esteem anyway?  Yes.  Do they?  Nah, so you need to show them how it's done, and that you won't accept anything less

​But some that don't seem to have been thought through properly, and can have the opposite effect and make people feel worse.

Why?​

how do you know if you're giving too much?

There's a new guy at school.  He's lonely and desperate for friends but a bit shy and awkward, but his parents are wealthy - let's call him Richy Rich.  He uses his money to buy friends, giving sweets, gifts, paying for things, buy buy buy, and giving too much.

The result?  Richy has more people around him.

But are they friends?  What if the money dries up, will they return the favor and ​share what they have?

what would your music library it tell me about you?

Well, it would give me clues about your age, your past, what your parents may have liked, whether you are a happy person, a deep person, an angry person or a fun person.  

And when meeting someone new, discovering you like the same music is a great way to connect.

There's something about music, isn't there, that speaks to the soul.  It reflects our mood, and it affects our mood with almost mystical properties. 

How can you use this to your advantage?

Gratitude journals are very popular at the moment, with just cause

Many of us are more blessed that our grandparents could have ever imagined, but get wrapped up in insignificant trivia that frankly doesn't matter.  It's good to be reminded of lifes simple pleasures and of what's really important.  

However there's a dark side to gratitude that is often missed, and can cause you damage. 

Let me explain...

168  

That's how many hours there are in a week, and chances are you feel there aren't enough.  So much to do, busy busy busy, work and commitments and 101 other tasks swallow​ them up. 

Busy.  But bored.  ​

How many of those 168 hours are for you?  To have fun, enjoy yourself, relax and recharge, care for yourself and socialise?  ​

It's time to start saying yes!​

Here are 10 things to say yes to now to improve your life 

What pops into your mind when I say 'lunch'?

Do you think of long, leisurely and possibly boozy​ times with friends?

Or do you think of brushing crumbs off your computer screen as you eat a sad sandwich at your desk.  Again.  

If your lunch is more like the second version, then take a read, because if you don't take a proper lunch it's having a negative impact on your health, productivity, and creativity.