Did you ever wonder what a counsellor learns from their clients?

Well I'll tell you! 

I'd like to share a post I wrote 2 years ago!  It's a look at what I've learned in 10 years of counselling/psychotherapy practice - but I've updated it, as it's now 12 years!  I hope you find it useful

How often do you get time for yourself?

You've been counting down to your next day off because you plan on a day of total indulgence, which includes locking the door and having a book/bath/wine/malteser combo, followed by binge watching something (anything) on Netflix.

​Possibly squeezing in a nap too because, well, just because you can. 

You're desperate to take a day out as you've been crazy busy and feel stressed, and you know you're starting to get burnt out and frazzled.  

But your friend rings.  

Her boyfriend recently dumped her and shes feeling down, and ' fancy a shopping trip as a treat - to cheer me up?'

​<Sigh>

What do you do?​

7 Ways to overcome loneliness

We all have periods of loneliness, it's normal and a part of the human condition. 

But what if you​ feel lonely all the time?  

Maybe friendships have faded away and left you without a circle of friends, or you have friends but they don't understand you and you feel on the outside, disconnected. 

So what is loneliness, why is it important to overcome it and why is it common with people pleasers?​

Lets find out, and discover 7 ways to overcome loneliness and make meaningful connections.

It's started - Valentines day presents advertised all over the media, cards filling up the supermarket shelves and teddy bears holding big red love hearts declaring 'you're special' or 'you're lovely' or 'you're sexy' at the tills.  

I look at them and am reminded how I might have liked a teddy when I was 14. Since then, not so much.   

​Okay, I'll admit it - my name is Jane, and I hate Valentines day.  

Here's why. 

Do you do things because you 'should'?

There was a series on TV recently called ‘Humans’. It was great. 

This is what it was about:

‘In a parallel present where the latest must-have gadget for any busy family is a 'Synth' - a highly-developed robotic servant that's so similar to a real human it's transforming the way we live.’

​From the start we learn that some of these robots or synths are different, and have a consciousness.

​One of these conscious synths is talking to a real person, and she talks about something she did and how she should regret it.

The person says ‘Forget should - it’s just do I regret or not’.

I'm stealing that line, it's pure genius!

Why? 

New Year Resolutions

​New year resolutions: because January simply doesn't feel bleak enough!

Now I'm not against making new year resolutions, but I am against the punishing nature of most of them: give up something you enjoy, or starting to do something you don't.  

Pah!  It should be the other way around!

I mean come on, is that how you want your year to be, denying or punishing yourself?

I prefer something a little more gentle, a little more kind. Something more to do with empowerment, self love, acceptance.

So here are some new year resolutions to make you feel good.

In Understanding Anger part 1 we looked at what emotions are for, the anger spectrum and what causes anger.

Today, we're going to look at how to use your anger to make positive changes. 

Understanding anger

Have you noticed how anger's seen as the 'bad' emotion? The black sheep of the emotions family, shunned and only talked about in whispers. 

I'm a massive fan of Pinterest (you are too?  Great, let's connect!) and when I did a search for 'anger', I got a squillion memes and quotes talking about how bad anger is, how to stop being so angry, how pointless it is etc.

We deny experiencing it, we're frightened of it, we fear it, we consider it dangerous and we think it's a waste of time and achieves nothing.

Me? I find anger fascinating. Let me explain...

Self care ideas for when you're short on time

If I had a pound for every time I heard 'I don't have time for self care, I'm too busy' I would be - well, maybe not a millionaire, but taking a whole lot more holidays! 

It's one of trio of reasons people give, along with 'I feel selfish/guilty' and 'I don't deserve it'.  All 3 are complete nonsense, of course.  

So here's a list of self care ideas for you to try that take 5 minutes or ​less. Enjoy!

The thing about being a people pleaser is - we GIVE help, we don’t ask for it.

Worries about being a burden, being needy, being a nuisance, causing inconvenience stop us dead in our tracks, so our lives consist of on struggling alone, sometimes to the point of making ourselves ill.

But it doesn't have to be like that, you don't have to struggle on alone.  There ​are many people that would only be too happy to help if they knew you needed it, so give them the chance. 

Not sure how?  Well, here's the perfect recipe for asking for help...