The thing about being a people pleaser is - we GIVE help, we don’t ask for it.
Worries about being a burden, being needy, being a nuisance, causing inconvenience stop us dead in our tracks, so our lives consist of on struggling alone, sometimes to the point of making ourselves ill.
But it doesn't have to be like that, you don't have to struggle on alone. There are many people that would only be too happy to help if they knew you needed it, so give them the chance.
Not sure how? Well, here's the perfect recipe for asking for help...
This recipe is suitable for even the most inexperience novice, so if you've never asked for help before, this is for you.
Not only is it a foolproof recipe that delivers every time, it’s so good you’ll come back to it again and again, and the more you make it, the better the results.
It’s highly adaptable, using whatever you have to hand at the time.
My lawnmower has broken and I need to borrow one, otherwise my lawn will grow out of control.
Note: In this recipe I am using a practical need, but the recipe works just as well with an emotional need, for example discussing an important decision.
NOTE: If you find it hard to identify an emotional need I suggest starting a journal. For more about this, CLICK HERE
It could be a friend, relation, colleague or neighbour. In this case, a neighbour is the best choice.
Clearly communicate your needs using words like ‘excuse me, I was wondering if you could help? My lawnmower has broken, and I was wondering if I could borrow yours?
NOTE: At this point, many people try to over complicate the recipe, which is when problems occur.
You may wish to add in the word ‘sorry’ when asking for help, but this will make the recipe taste too sweet - it’s unnecessary as you have done nothing wrong.
You may also be driven to add assumptions to the mix at this point, for example ‘they will think I am cheeky, they will think I am a nuisance, they will think I am disorganised’ etc.
Adding assumptions will ruin the whole dish, and leave a very bitter taste in your mouth.
Leave them out, and work with what you have.
The person will now be able to make their decision about helping.
The person will be able to help you or not, depending of their circumstances, but an important note to remember here is that most people are friendly and helpful and will help where they can.
Just because someone in the past may not have helped, that doesn’t mean no one will.
Whichever way it is, apply a generous dollop of appreciation.
If they can’t help, ‘Okay, thank you anyway’, and if they can help ‘thank you so much, I really appreciate your help with this.’
A really important step which shouldn’t be missed out is to remember how it feels to be able to help someone - it feels goooood!
So don’t deny them access to good feelings, allow them to help.
Refusing to ask for help is refusing someone the chance to be helpful #SelfCare
This recipe is highly effective at raising your confidence, self esteem and communication skills, leading to greater happiness and contentment.
This economical recipe will save you headaches, anxiety, worrying and sleepless nights, so give it a go! You'll be delighted by the results.
So there you are, give it a try today allow other people to help.
If you need some extra help with communication, I work with people just like you, and can help (if you'll let me!). Just book a complimentary, confidential 15 minute Skype call and we can chat about your needs, without obligation. CLICK HERE for more details.
Hi, I’m Jane, and if you’re the one that cares for and supports others, that gives and never takes and are exhausted because you put your own needs last, then you’re in the right place.
It’s great to have you here – I hope you stick around!